Should I text him first? Should I wait a day longer to respond to a message?
Let’s be honest, online dating texting etiquette has changed a lot. What was the norm ten years ago, now can be taken as bad manners. How not to miss this short window of opportunity and keep the interest piqued at the beginning. Here are the newest rules for texting when dating online.
Online Dating Texting Etiquette 2020
1. Don’t Rush Te Process.
People usually respond within 2-5 hours and that is absolutely normal if you have a job, personal life, and don’t stare at the screen 24/7. Waiting can make you worry but sending more messages will not speed the things up. Most experts agree that it is better to keep the conversation flowing and not making large pauses. So, don’t wait and respond within 5 hours. If a person does not write back within 48h, he/she is probably not interested. Don’t fixate on this particular match and move on. There is plenty of fish in the sea.
2. Reply Within 24 Hours.
You have to remember online dating is a game. Games have strategies that work and strategies that don’t. While it is absolutely normal to reply in a while (up to 24 h), it is not advisable to reply at once. Members who are new to online dating start off replying straight away.
The psychology behind it is that you seem desperate and creepy if you are too keen. Desperate and creepy are not attractive qualities to potential dates.
The truth is that most people are not either desperate or creepy. They have email notification turned on and feel it polite to reply, but your match is not necessarily aware of that. So here’s a tip: turn your email notification off and only look at your dating inbox once a day.
I think there’s probably a boredom aspect too. People, in general, don’t actually want to spend all that time emailing back and forward with potential dates (which they are going to have to do if they reply very quickly).
3. Find Your Date On Facebook, Instagram, Or Other Social Media.
I’d say that was pretty normal. A background check is fairly standard with online dating. I cannot remember all the weird situations when I discovered that my matches are either married or have children. Sometimes they lied about their age.
If you cannot find them on social media but know where they live, type in their last name and the location where they live. This way you can find their relatives and search for their connections on Facebook.
4. Don’t Share Your Phone Number. At Least At First.
Some may find it easier to communicate via messengers or make phone calls, but at the first stages of your relationships, I advise that you use only the means provided by the best dating site for hookups. If something goes wrong, you can report this person to a customer support team. You can always rely on the services of the site. If you feel like you are ready to meet offline, then arrange a date in a public place and let your close friend know where you are and who you are meeting.
5. Meet In Person In 5-10 Days
Don’t rush things. It is important to at least know your match for a week first to see if he or she is a safe and good person.
What’s not good is to drag out the first meeting. Don’t wait to meet after a year of talking. By then you would have liked him/her too much and it would be harder to let them go if you actually don’t like how they are in person.
So my word of advice? Meet them after you have gained some knowledge, trust, and liking of them first. And that should only take a few months. Any time sooner than a week is too fast.
Having said that, some women and men are more comfortable with some type of brief banter first, before moving to a conversation, or meeting. But there really is no point in the banter or the call other than to meet in person, since that is the only way you can really judge someone.
6. Know The Intentions Of This Person
- Does that person have what you are looking for?
- Does that person make suggestions showing that they are serious? (Thinking about plans, the future, things to do together, intention to pay, replies fast to your messages, looks forward to talking with you, genuinely interested in your life and what you do, etc.
- Imagine what you would do if you were genuinely interested. Is that person doing that for you?
- Do they have many pictures showing them in different circumstances with different people? Are they recent?
In the end, it’s basic common sense. If you have concerns, choose a public place with people and in the afternoon and bring a friend or inform people of your plan.
7. Be Honest And Say ‘No’
If you are not interested in moving the conversation forward, then you have several options: a) block this person; b) ignore them; c) be honest and explain why you don’t want to continue these relationships. The latter option would be more human, but if you are too shy, then pick the other two. It will be better than lying to yourself and your match.
8. Say The Truth About Yourself
Women tend to mislead about age and figure. Men, on the other hand, tend to stretch their height and lower their age. Unfortunately, most of them don’t think you will care once you meet them.
For example, if you’re worried about a person’s photos not being current, think of ways to make conversation about them to learn about when they were taken. Ask about the backstory to them. Does it emerge that all the photos they’ve put up are from years ago? That doesn’t guarantee they look drastically different now but it could be a warning sign. Ask if they have any later pictures. If they won’t or don’t have any newer pictures pass them by. In today’s world, a new picture is minutes away.
The challenge here is in figuring out how to naturally get this information without coming across as overly superficial or accusatory. Do you just straight up ask him/her when the photo was taken? Or will you use your emotional intelligence to genuinely look at the photo, spot something worth talking about, and work your probing question into an authentic conversation about it?
9. Send Only Decent Photos.
Don’t send any nude Snapchat photos to a stranger. It is never ethical to share nudes of others without their consent. Sending your own nudes to someone is not so much an issue of ethics as it is about risk. Rule of thumb, you probably shouldn’t send any picture of yourself which you couldn’t handle that person passing on to all their contacts.
10. Be Nice
Many people become overconfident when they chat online. But actually, don’t do or say any things you would say to their face. Keep the conversation polite and respectful.
Texting Taboos For Men And Women
Chatting can really engaging and fun way to learn more about your potential date. Even if you are shy in real life, messaging tools can give you lots of flirting options. It can also bring you closer to each other and fall in love before you actually meet in person. To make your conversation flow, avoid the following texting habits.
- Formal messages. Come on, this is not a business correspondence. Although real dating is not always as smooth as you want it to be, your online communication is supposed to be so. Be easy, open-minded, and send warm messages. Imagine that you talk with your closest friend and don’t be afraid of look funny.
- Too much information. The first message should be more of an ice breaker, not an informational long essay of facts and stats about you and what you are looking for or have to offer. It should also not look like the average copy/paste text they receive hundreds of and will therefore ignore. Yes, it’s a numbers game, but would you rather be rejected/no reply 2 out of 5 times, or 100 out of 101?
Your best bet is to keep it short, personal, and if you are able humorous. Avoid commenting on their looks. The ones I received that got a positive response from me were 3 sentences or fewer.
- Negative attitude. Texts that contain any negative information probably will be rejected. If you are irritated by your job, your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend, just take a break and don’t send any messages. The text like my job sucks never have a positive response. Instead, bring some good vibes into your conversation, mention good things that happened to you during the day, and be attentive.
- Interrogation. Increased attention just like complete ignoring can be your worst habit. There is no conspiracy and most important no commitment yet. Don’t send messages like, Where are you? Why don’t you write back? I’m missing you… You are not a couple yet, so leave the anxiety behind.
- Nude photos or sexting. Sometimes sexting is a great thing to spice up your conversation. But very often it is uncalled for. If you are a guy, don’t send her your naked pics unless she asks you, or she will make the first move. The same is with sexting. If you don’t want to sound creepy send her innocent flirting messages without going dirty.
How Long Do You Need To Chat Before Having A Date
I have a working rule: when you think it is a good time. That’s it.
With some men or women who are shy and don’t want to expose themselves, it can take several messages and calls; other people who are more open get to the meeting in person faster.
Here’s Why: It’s Your Security, Your Decision.
I suggest meeting offline when:
- You are sure the match is not looking just for sex;
- You are convinced they have a relatively settled life and know what they want;
- When they demonstrate that they can hold their own in conversation – this is quite important especially for women;
- Their profiles and what they say in conversation have no weird contradictions;
- Most importantly, when you feel convinced that you will enjoy the date and being in their company.
Their time may be valuable, but so is yours.
What Are The Reg Flags To Call Off Your First Date
If you are a woman, you should beware of guys that are pushy. This is a big red flag that often gets ignored in online dating. Narcissists love bombs. Hook-up guys use bait, and they’re good fishermen! Gentlemen don’t push; gentlemen respect boundaries – so know yours and stick to it.
It’s not just about a bad date. It’s about stalkers. It’s about avoiding men who bring trouble.
One thing that bad matches have in common: they are aggressive, they pressure and manipulate, sometimes with syrupy charm and flattery. Something a lot of women find flattering and they are counting on that. Don’t fall for it. Don’t forget your boundaries.
Nice guys, on the other hand, won’t high-pressure you into meeting the second you respond to their online message. They want to get to know the real you. They are interested, curious, and ask questions. They listen. Nice guys are trying to avoid unhealthy types too, so they are making an effort to screen you as well. Gentlemen with a genuine interest in you will continue to call and engage with some conversational depth for a while. And they respect boundaries. Here’s why: they want you to be comfortable, to feel safe, and to enjoy their company.
When do you meet in person? When you feel good about it.
To Sum Up
Keep it as short as possible. Don’t use the site to be a means of communication or else you’ll invest loads of your life into going back and forth – only to realize when you finally meet there’s no connection.
First message: get to know each other briefly.
Second message: suggest getting together for tea or the like / exchange numbers.
After this, call to set up where and when to get together. Keep it short, and light… Again don’t invest loads of time in someone you’re just meeting.
The reason why online dating is not successful is that people miss the short window of opportunity when interest is piqued at the beginning. Otherwise, we become distracted and online conversations never make it offline.