How Not To Ruin Your Date: Essential Tips

The whole dating game can be challenging for both men and women. Most of the time we do not analyze what we should do on the first, second, or third date, or when the relationships start to develop. That’s why I have collected classic dating mistakes made by men and women that can ruin your relationships. When it comes to attracting and keeping your partner, remember to avoid the following missteps.

Why Do Men Kill Their Success With Women?

Arriving Late

Really? You cannot get there on time for your date? Now, if you have a valid reason for being late, then at least text or call to let your date and let them know. This will create a good impression in their mind.

Think about how you would feel if your date showed up late. What thoughts would be going through your head as you waited? Would you feel anxious, let down, embarrassed? Why subject your date to those emotions and anxiety.

Showing up a few minutes late may seem normal to you but it really does create a negative impression to women.

Ex Relationships

This is one mistake that is made more often than others especially during the first date. In an effort to be transparent, people start talking about their former relationships. The issue is that you can easily get sucked into the negative aspects which can be overwhelming for your date. Most women don’t want to learn about your past adventures even at later stages of the relationships, so it’s better to keep it to yourself unless she asks you. Stick to a positive, light, fun conversation that infuses smiles as opposed to sad stories around how your previous relationships did not work out.

Texting

Do not text or talk to your friends while on a date. It is impolite even if your date is not going well. If you do this even during the early stages when meeting each other can be so interesting and exciting – what are you going to do in a year or two? You’d better get rid of this bad habit. If you want to show some pictures of an adventurous trip that you took, then that’s okay but if your phone keeps ringing, then it is a huge turnoff.

Being The #1 In Conversation

If you have a dominating personality, then you are likely going to want to take charge. Some women/men may find that attractive, however, it most likely will send a wrong signal. When you are together, you may want to listen to your date’s perspectives and experiences as well. This is a time to listen and observe rather than just overloading them with your stories.

She Has One Drink, You Have 10

You may be funny to your friends when drunk, but don’t take that chance with a lady. Having a glass of wine to add romance or taking the edge off is acceptable but getting wasted is not appropriate. Drink a little, not a lot.

Having Your Own Opinion

By having no backbone or your own thoughts and agreeing to everything she says, that isn’t what she’s looking for. You are there to show her how you are different. Being too nice isn’t genuine and it shows you’re afraid of conveying how you really feel. She’s not there to listen to someone agree to everything she says, she’s there to see what your ambitions are in life. Show her.

One-Way Conversation

Stop talking about yourself throughout the entire date. Takes two to tango, make the conversation flow back and forth naturally.

Looking At Other Girls Around You

Be on the date with her, not the girls around you.

Don’t Be Pushy

If she’s introverted, don’t make her feel forced to say something and stress her out. Some people take time to decompress and feel comfortable. Let her open up at her own pace.

Compulsive Complaining

Shows lack of control and gives her a good idea that you’re an emotional mess and don’t have a backbone, allowing every little thing get to you. Being happy and optimistic is an attractive quality, not bitching about your day at work or how you hate your job.

Complaining Or Judging What She Chose To Eat

If she wants a burger, let her have it. The last thing she wants to hear is you criticizing what she has the desire to eat. Chill out.

What Are You Made Of?

If she asks how you view marriage/divorce, she’ll be super fine-tuned with all ears open on this one. She wants to know if you’re a guy who will leave the minute things get bad, or if you’re a real man who will be her ride or die who works out hardships. This will be a big defining moment if you get that second date with her. (If a long-term relationship is what she is seeking). In addition, she doesn’t want to get ghosted on.

Don’t View The Date As An Audition For Her

It took me a long time to get over this point. In fact, most men repeat this mistake over and over again. There’s frequently an attitude of “I need to behave my best so that she likes me.” The guy is concerned with achieving an outcome, not by exploring what the relationship should be. You don’t know if you like her yet, much less if you want anything with her. You should be trying to figure this out as much as she is. Go in, be the best version of yourself, and go in genuinely wanting to learn about her to see if there’s anything exciting about her.

17 Classic Dating Mistakes Women Usually Make

Men and women – we are all looking for different things on the date, especially if these dates are arranged via adult dating websites and apps. And because we want different things, we normally act differently. Here are the most popular women mistakes that can ruin a date:

Over-Pursuing, Falling In Love Too Quickly

Women can get really over the top when they’re attracted to someone. Without knowing a lot about the guy, they quickly build up this fantasy and project all their hopes and dreams to a guy and their imagined future together. They fall for the words but forget to look at the actions. But once the infatuation wears off, they realize they are just desperate to have someone. It can also be offputting to a guy. It’s human nature to not value what we can have too easily. I don’t suggest playing hard to get. If you’re interested, express your interest. But don’t give up your other hobbies and friends to pursue a guy. Don’t bend over backward to win him.

Not Having Or Respecting Strong Boundaries

Ultimately, we’re all lazy and want to put in the minimum amount of effort we can get away with. At the first or second date, a guy will sometimes test you (consciously or not) by pushing your boundaries (e.g: being late for dates, saying something inappropriate). If you don’t have strong boundaries and aren’t willing to call them out on it, they’ll make less and less effort for you. They’ll value and respect you less. So enforce strong boundaries, don’t have excuses for behaviors you don’t like. Guys find that very sexy. Respect theirs in return.

Texting Too Much

I think women take texting much more seriously than men. They worry obsessively when a guy doesn’t text back straight away or seems distant in his text. Sometimes, they spend all day texting back and forth and mistake that as an emotional connection. Sorry to break the news to you, no it’s not. I’d encourage calling and meeting in person. You need to gauge the “conversational chemistry” between you, which is some you can’t over text. Minimize texting. It’s better to build up the mystery and excitement to meet in person instead of texting all day about trivial daily stuff.

Going Into Something New With Set Expectations

Men don’t like labels. the word ‘Dating’ and ‘Relationship’ has turned many guys away. I don’t think men want to be forced into labels. Labels ultimately mean rules and expectations. Allow them to grow into these labels over time.

You Are Too Guarded Or Emotionally Open

Some women have been burnt in the past and they put this guard up to protect themselves. The main rule is to be selective about who you invest in and not to put all your cards on the table until a man has shown an appropriate level of commitment. But eventually you need to put your guards down and open yourself up. By never letting your guards down and being vulnerable with your partner, you might never build the emotional bond and intimacy that is the bedrock for a healthy relationship. At the end of the day, that’ll be the main reason that keeps a man around.

Being Unappreciative And Too Critical Of Your Partner

I think this is a typical women’s problem. Even in the early dating stages, women take for granted what men do for them. Instead of showing appreciation for their efforts, they complain because they didn’t do it exactly the way they want. This criticism and worse, contempt, can ruin any date.

Nagging/Being Passive-Aggressive

Some women have an erroneous idea that “If he likes me, he should know what I want”. Unfortunately, men are not mind-readers. And frankly, do you know what you want? By shifting that cognitive burden on them to guess what you want, you risk being disappointed and frustrating your man for failing to make you satisfied. If you want something, be assertive, say it. If you’re upset, explain it. Stop being grumpy for no reason.

Being Too Compassionate

I used to have this problem with lots of women. Women on first dates can sometimes be too kind for their own good. They try to help their partners, do everything to comfort them, forgive their misdeeds. I think it’s the mother’s instinct. But sometimes, you have to resist it.

Getting Defensive And Never Acknowledging Your Flaws

We all have flaws. If your date kindly points it out to you, don’t get defensive and shift blame, don’t stonewall. Accept responsibility and try to improve. It’s a very attractive mindset.

Having No Hobbies Or Ambitions In Life

I see even very intelligent people can have rather boring, conventional lives. They go to work and then go home watch TV every night and go to sleep, rinse and repeat every day. There’s no mystery about them, nothing intriguing or stimulating about such people. Without it, attraction dies. Women are even worse at this because they give up so much of their personal life to be with a guy. If a woman does not have anything besides work and yoga classes, the guy will see that on a first date, and he probably will not be very interested.

Being Too Depressive, Anxious Or Unstable

Some very intelligent people can also have these issues. It’s unfortunate, it’s not entirely their fault. If you have these problems and can’t handle them, it can really wear down or stress your partner. So try to seek help, don’t burden them constantly with your psychological issues. While it’s important to be vulnerable to your partner, you need to remember your psychological issues are your own problem and yours only to solve. Don’t push that responsibility to them and expect them to be your emotional crutch. I can’t think of a worse piece of dating advice than the narcissistic, entitled “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best”.

Being Insecure And Possessive

The fact that a guy is dating you doesn’t make all the other attractive women in the world disappear. It also doesn’t mean he’ll do anything about it. So don’t be thought police and get offended every time he compliments on someone else. Of course, there’s a limit to it. He should also respect your feelings. But being over jealous and paranoid is a turnoff. Don’t monitor his every move. Give him space and the freedom he wants (reasonably).

Talking Too Much About The Past Or Exes

Your current guy is not responsible for what happened to you in the past. Share with him sparingly. Don’t use it too much to fish for sympathy or make him jealous or justify your behavior. Be considerate of his feelings. Remember it’s your responsibility to deal with your past baggage. Afford him a blank slate as much as possible. Being negative about men, in general, is also very off-putting. Don’t blame them for your poor choices.

Not Taking Care Of Your Appearance

You do not need to look like a Hollywood actress all the time. The vast majority of men don’t expect you to. But try to stay healthy and in good shape. I’d even say nurture your mind, as you radiate your mental life on your face, the way you talk, walk, and interact with others. Be interesting, be radiant, be warm, kind and encouraging to others. These are very attractive traits. Beauty isn’t about looks, it’s all about your aura. It can be cultivated.

Gossiping About Your Relationship Problems To Others

I know this is girls’ favorite past time but I find it disrespectful. If you have a problem with your partner, sit down discuss it with him. Don’t gossip and badmouth him to 20 girlfriends or broadcast on social media. It can destroy your respect for him and vice versa. If you really need advice, seek out one or two closest friends and make sure they absolutely keep it secret. Or a therapist or counselor. Stop making him your enemy and bringing allies into your private matters.

Failing To Realize That Men And Women View And Approach Things Differently; Including Dating

Dating is not the end of all. It means we are trying things out to see if we are a good fit. It doesn’t mean that I have cut everyone off that I’ve ever known. If you find out he still talks to other women, be cool about it. Just set your own boundaries and what your terms are in order to advance things. If he likes you enough, the others won’t be around long if he wants to advance things with you.

Assuming Instead Of Clearly Defining Terms And Conditions

Never assume anything. Guys use the thought process, “If we don’t talk about it, I’m not technically wrong.” For instance, you need to clearly define, “Are we exclusive to each other? Are we in a relationship? Are we friends? Are we friends with benefits? If so, what does that mean.” A lot of times, I think women begin to assume that men read minds and are on the same page as them. Most often, they aren’t. It’s better to have the hard conversations upfront rather than assuming and being disappointed down the line.

How To Fix The Early Dating Mistakes

There is a chance to avoid the dating mistakes or to fix them until your date is not lost completely.

Stop thinking about having sex with your date, having kids, or getting married. In short, don’t live in the future instead of the present. Do you enjoy this particular moment? Say it. Compliment your date, say good things about the evening, the place, or the weather. Think about your connection in this particular moment.

Don’t expect her or him to entertain you. You are not a child and you both are responsible for making this date outstanding. So, participate in a decision-making process – offer dating ideas, create a possible scenario of your date, etc.

Instead of waiting for your date to make the first move, make it. Initiate the second date, be the one who follows up, do something romantic and spontaneous – your partner will appreciate such moves. If you are a man, stop asking a woman to ‘spend some time someday’. “Friday at 7, cancel your plans. It’s a date”.