I went through lots of good and bad first dates, and just several second dates. At what point can you understand that your date went really well or vice versa? You ask someone out, have a coffee or two, you both are seemingly satisfied with each other, and that’s it. You don’t want to make it happen again. But what actually went wrong? The conversation was amazing as well as your date.
In a week or two, you meet some average girl and in a matter of minutes, you realize that she is the one. Quick coffee turns into a romantic walk, day into evening, and then you find yourself passionately kissing her in the park. You cannot deny that this date is definitely a good one. And in this case, 99% that you will have a second date.
In both scenarios, a thoughtful person will see signs that tell where the dating is going. How good or bad it is. It is not rocket science that a bad date is usually boring, and time goes very slowly. On the other hand, a great date makes you feel overexcited, giggly, and happy. Here are 20 signs that your date went great.
Body Language: First Date Success Signals
It is not necessary to ask your date about his or her feelings. To read their body just as well as you read a book, pay attention to the following signs:
You are not necessarily telling funny or super exciting stories, but your partner keeps smiling for no reason all evening long. This silly smile plastered across their face is a surefire way to a second date.
When you are on the first date your partner is actually being interested in you not by being interested in how close he/she can get to you. They ask you questions and actually listen and respond to you without distractions. They don’t look at their phone or the waitress’ butt. They don’t interrupt or change the subject. Moreover, they are extremely curious about what you are saying and are respectful.
He/she gets as close as appropriate for the activity. If your date tries to touch your hand and flirts with you with her gestures, then she is expressing her trust.
However, before getting physical, consider the following. If you want to get closer but at any time she leans away, steps back or turns her feet away, this body language is a good indication that you are violating her space and you should let her dictate the space she is comfortable with instead of trying to push the limit. For most women, you will have to build trust before she will be comfortable around you even if she does like you. If she is interested in being closer, she will close the gap, move closer, touch, etc.
If at any point, whether date one or date ten, you want to get physical be it dancing with her, holding hands, a first kiss, etc., get her consent. This is what we are all learning in the “me too” era. Consent can actually be endearing: “May I have this dance (hand extended)? May I hold your hand? May I kiss you?”
The Sitting Posture
Your date is relaxed, her arms are not crossed. She is trying to sit as close to you as possible. You should also pay attention to her body position – it is angled toward you, then she enjoys spending time together.
They may find you very attractive and cannot take their eyes off you. Moreover, when you first see a person there is a lot of new information in their appearance. This is what always happens with kids – they stare at people when they see them the first time and want to remember what they see. However, when they grow up, they have more experience and lose attention much quicker. When you are on a first date, your partner seems fascinating and mysterious, thus you want to figure them out.
There’s a lot of giggling going on. I get guys don’t giggle, but the ladies often do so, especially when they like you. So if there’s giggling going on, chances are there’s a good possibility of a good night kiss and a second date.
Maybe she’s got butterflies in her stomach or she is in a great mood. You don’t feel any anxiety in the air and feel elated. She lets herself be silly and let her body do all the talking – all to get your attention. For example, you made a pretty good joke and she starts laughing. Then her hand naturally touches her hair or her knees by chance. This is a nonverbal language that means she is super interested, without a word coming out from her mouth!
Shared laughter is also a great sign of an established connection. If you are laughing over the same joke you are more likely to have a second date.
She intentionally gives you discreet touches, moves her feet towards you slowly and slightly touches you under the table. During the date, she leans towards you and bridges the gap. If you are not a slowpoke you will get closer to her without making her feel awkward.
Remember, that the smallest body contact is always better and hotter than the obvious one.
Copying Your Behavior
In psychology, it is called mirroring. It can happen either subconsciously or on purpose. For example, you start laughing and then she starts laughing. Often you cannot say that it is copying – mirroring can refer to all verbal and non-verbal activities. For example, she is mimicking the pace and volume of your speech. Overall, the first date is not the best time to directly express your feelings in someones’ face. That’s why so many people use this method to deliver the message ‘I like you.’
Walking Or Driving Home
She asks if you want to walk her home instead of taking Uber. It goes without saying that as a gentleman you should at least offer to take her home. A perfect scenario should look like this:
You positively pick her up and deliver her safely back home. It’s not “giving her a ride”. This is a date and that means it’s all about you paying attention to her – and vice versa. If you meet her somewhere and then go your separate ways afterward… or if she actually prefers to drive herself, that’s fine. But a great date has always meant that you pick her up, and you take her home.
I think everyone expects different things from a date. Men and women. Usually, both parties are seeking romantic involvement, but are actually just expecting to get to know the other person better. A good or bad date can end in a few different ways:
- Slow/steady but positive means that you might kiss
- Positive and fast – you might end up having breakfast
- Negative and slow – A firm handshake
- Negative and fast – You get a punch in the face
…and a lot of different ways in between.
How a girl can show you that she wants to be kissed?
When you are finishing the date, she lingers and hinting at having chat for a few more minutes. If she looks into your eyes and slightly leans toward you, then get ready to be kissed.
Verbal Signals That Your Date Is Perfect
This is not a bad quality if the topics you discuss are interesting for both of you. When a person is excited about what’s going on, he/she may be so overwhelmed that finally loses control over the situation. The most popular reasons why most partners are so chatty are:
1) They are nervous on a date and want to stop worrying by talking non-stop.
2) They want to skip awkward silence.
3) They want to make a good impression by sharing as much information about them as possible: who they are, what they do.
4) They think that if they don’t speak enough, their partner will be bored.
The mandatory awkwardness of first dates ends quickly. Just about every first date starts weird. There’s no way around it. After all, chances are you are strangers and you already know the other person is measuring you up, determining if you’re hot enough, smart enough, kind enough. But when the awkwardness quickly gives way to easy conversation and back and forth banter, you know things are going well.
During the date, she asks great questions and genuinely seems interested in what you are saying. She is engaging and is very easy to talk to.
She does not expect you to pay for the entire date and admits she prefers to pay her own way. But she accepts you have a rule that whoever does the asking out on the first date should pay and does not make a big deal out of it.
At no point during the date, she speaks negatively or bad-mouths anyone.
During the entire date, she looks comfortable and does not feel the need to try and make an impression, she is just herself.
Your date compliments you on your choice of clothing, perfume, says you look amazing without going over the top. You answer “thank you, you’re looking particularly dashing yourself”, accepts compliments without making too much of it or playing them down.
Asking A Lot Of Questions
The more questions you are asked, the more information is being sought about you which could also just be getting to know you. When you are asking the same sorts of questions, this is a healthy exchange. And when there are also a few jokes or witty political comments as well, you may feel you are ‘getting to know each other’ and ‘becoming friends’, especially if you have the same sense of humor and political attitudes. However, only when a person has continued meetings and interactions with you, on their initiative or your invitation, could you begin to say they are ‘your friend’.
If you cannot bring up any topic with a woman when you’re on a first date you are experiencing a moment of “awkward silence”. This is really what happens on bad dates and never happens on great dates. On a perfect date, you don’t have to scramble for some conversation starters (which sometimes can worsen the situation). Your partner is genuinely interested in your personality and asks a lot of questions to get to know you better. If your date loses interest, then the awkward silence will come back.
During the conversation, your date becomes extremely excited about similar traits or features you both have. Have you both studied French at school and then traveled to France when you studied at college? This is an incredible coincidence. Or maybe a sign that you should go to France together?
Expressing The Feelings About The Date
She is telling that she has really nice time, that the restaurant you’ve picked up is perfect, and they would love to spend more time with you. She gives you direct feedback and it seems to be true. Congratulations! You’ve passed level 1.
Hints About The Next Date
She is not talking babies yet, but she already wants to discuss the plans for the next date. This means she is already looking forward to your second, and maybe the third date! After all app-chatting and text banter, you eventually have something real. Be careful here and don’t look overexcited. Be calm and at the same time open for short-term plans.
Trying To Stretch The Date
You both linger because you don’t want it to end. The first time I went out on an “official date” with another girl as an adult, after our dinner at a local brewery, we found ourselves sitting in my car, neither one of us wanting to end the night. Our fingers laced into one another’s, we both commented on how much fun we had, how good the night was. When it fell quiet, it was okay. We sat there, watching the people and traffic going by, just enjoying being in each other’s presence, simply because we didn’t want the night to end. When you find yourself in a similar situation, take it as a good sign. It means you’re doing something right.
A first date should be flexible, so as to allow you to continue if you like, but also to have a natural end if things aren’t going so well. For example, maybe you go meet for a couple of drinks at a happy hour. Get there at 6, talk until 7 or 7:30, do you go to the next place or do you part company?
Maybe a bite to eat. You go eat, spend another hour there, now it’s close to 9 pm. The evening is over, but the date should not be. You’re having a great time and there’s no reason to stop now.
You go to a bar or maybe you go window shopping. What you do doesn’t really matter because you don’t want to end this up on purpose.
It’s getting late. If you’ve made it this far, it’s a good idea to take her home. Walk her to her door. She might invite you in, but she might not. If she does, this part of the date might take more than a couple hours, but by that time, you’ll know without a doubt that the two of you hit it off.
You fall asleep thinking about it. If, after your date, you find yourself replaying it again and again in your head, if it’s what you’re thinking about when you finally fall asleep, then my guess is you already know it was a good date and a second is soon to come.
The next day involves texts about how much you enjoyed it.
Her: Good morning! Sorry to text you so early, but I just wanted to let you know what a great time I had last night. I hope you did, too!
You: I definitely had a good time.
You: I’ll give you a call after work if that’s cool. There’s an awesome comedy show this weekend I thought you may be interested in…
Her: I’ll be off work by 5. Can’t wait!
If anything similar plays out in your world, I’d be sure to take that as a green light.
Attraction Killers To Avoid On A First Date
1. Desperation. It’s an attraction killer. Don’t be over needy and make future plans. Live in this moment and have fun with her. Show interest, but don’t overdo it. It scares her away. Focus on having fun and living at this moment, not stressing too much about the future. Things will go as they will, just explore what the experience with this new girl may bring.
2. Interview. You can ask about her work and all the basic things, but don’t make it a boring interview. Like question after question. Throw some flirty and teasing comments here and there to keep her interested. Also some humor and don’t be too serious. An open and not caring attitude is good and makes you both feel comfortable, not making this date too serious.
3. Topics you should avoid:
- Depressing news
- Experience with adult dating sites
Here are of topics you could talk about instead:
- TV series/Music
4. Date ideas. Avoid watching a movie on a first date. It’s awkward when you can’t talk with her and get to know her. Also, a nightclub is another horrible first date idea.
Here are some more acceptable first date ideas:
- Coffee. Good for having a conversation and knowing each other, bad for physically escalating and making it sexual. Coffee dates can be taken to bars for a drink where you can escalate.
- Bars. Best places for the first date if your aim is to get physical. Don’t go nightclub though, that’s a disaster as said above. A quiet pub where you can hear each other is good.
- Zoo. Lot of things to talk about. Animals melt everyone’s hearts.
- Bowling. A fun activity, good to be continued by having drinks.
- Walk in the park. You may not go out of words as you can talk about things you see outside. Good in the summertime when followed by a coffee date. Furthermore, you can have a picnic.
- Car tour. If you own a car, this is a good alternative for bars. In the past, I have had car dates and they were successful.
- Picnic at the beach. Great especially if you have a good body, you can put it in action.
- Minigolf. Funny and chill activity to break the ice when meeting the first time. Good also for later dates.
- Climbing. Great and fun activity especially if you both are into extreme sports.
5. Don’t brag about your job, income, or anything else superficial
Guess what, no one cares how much money you earn, what your job is, or what car you drive.
Men, pay attention here. If a girl asks about your career, talk about your passions, your goals, and your ambitions. Not your bank account.
6. Don’t check out or flirt with other people
It’s just the polite thing to do.
7. Don’t spend more than 20% of the conversation talking about yourself
Yes, you need to talk about yourself. But don’t let that rule the conversation. Answer questions if your date asks, but generally be more interested in them than in yourself. Ask about their lives and make them feel special and unique. You’ll have plenty of time to talk about yourself after you start dating regularly.
8. Don’t lie to make the other person happy
If your date starts talking about their political views, religion, philosophy, or other beliefs, that’s cool. But for the love of God, don’t lie about your own beliefs to make them happy. If she’s a Christian and you’re an Atheist, own it. If she’s a Democrat and you’re a Libertarian, don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Speak your truth and let the cards fall where they may.